The Second Day Of Trekmas
by WolfieJimi
Summary: Includes BAMF Trio fighting aliens in PJs? Second Christmas on board the USS Enterprise. Christmas eve meeting of the StoryTellers Association (AKA the USS Gossip Mafia AKA Martha Landon, Tonia Barrows, Kevin Riley, Pavel Chekov, and Hikaru Sulu). 5 Christmas stories. Each person retells a Christmas story, with an Enterprise twist. Ridiculous crack, in a non-crack context!
1. In Which We Introduce the SA

"You wouldn't _believe_ the expression on his face. I swear to god, my heart _melted_ … It was so _adorable_. They are _so in love_." Tonia hugged herself and flopped back on the bed with a sigh.

"We've started taking bets - strictly confidential and members-only, of course - on how long it will take _them_ to realise that..." Hikaru replied, with a roguish grin.

It was the night before their second Christmas on the USS Enterprise. Currently crammed into the small cabin shared by Security Lieutenant Martha Landon and Yeoman Tonia Barrows, were Lieutenants Kevin Riley, Hikaru Sulu, and Pavel Chekov, as well, of course, as the room's two official occupants. Over the past six months, this small company had formed into a club, of sorts.

Officially they proclaimed themselves a writers club; a small group of people who met every fortnight or so to share stories they had written, retold, or bastardised. This endeavour was strictly for fun rather than profit, and the resulting stories were often written down and disseminated anonymously amongst the wider complement. Unofficially, however, they were the gossip mafia on board the Enterprise. It was a brave rumor that dared be spread without their knowledge or approval.

Tonight the Storytellers Association (for thusly they had dubbed themselves) were also hosting a private Christmas Eve party. No stories had been told as of yet, but a fair amount of alcohol had been imbibed, and a reasonable quantity of gossip discussed.

"Well, what I've been hearing from the engineering dungeons is not _quite_ as romantic as that surrounding everyone's two favourite lovebirds up on the Bridge, but nevertheless my dear compadres, my humble contribution to our session tonight is watertight. Lieutenant Charlene Masters is, so a little Scottish birdy has been heard to say, being greenlighted for promotion. Our good Engineer is recommending her for the position of Chief Engineer aboard the 'Fleets' latest research commission."

"Best put a halt to those rumors." Hikaru warned.

"What! Why? This is the solidest piece of information I've given you in three months! I heard it straight from Scotty himself! he didn't know I heard him a'course, but he does get loud when he's on the scotch." Riley whined.

"It's not about the veracity of the claim, it's about the damage it could cause. If it isn't common knowledge yet, then either Charlene hasn't been told, or she has been told and has deliberately not shared the information." Sulu explained patiently.

"Exactly, and we don't want to get her hopes up if anything goes wrong, _or_ put pressure on her to make a decision quickly if she is still deliberating. I agree with Hikaru, Riley. If you hear anyone else talk about this, shut it down." Tonia said, nodding seriously. "But _gosh_ , won't I be sad to see Charley leave. She's a real sweetheart. I'm not surprised that they want to promote her though, she's wonderful! Not that I know anything about Engineering of course, but she always seems so calm and collected, and she has fabulous dress sense. I saw her last Shore Leave on Space Station 7-X-94, her outfit was to _die_ for." Tonia sighed dramatically.

"No one in Engineering can hold a candle to the lass, exceptin' a'course Mister Scott. No surprise that they want her on the _Dauntless._ "

Martha Landon banged her empty glass on the table, twice.

"Fine! Then that's settled. Bets are open for the boys on the Bridge and we will continue to observe for any updates, and mouths are closed about Charlene's promotion. Now…" Martha cleared her throat, officiously. "Good people of the Storytellers Association, it is high time we storytold. We have had enough rumour milling for one evening. It is _Christmas_. We need stories! I trust you all received the memo stating that this month we would strictly be retelling traditional Christmas stories? I hope you have all proofread and edited them to _my_ standard, because I want these collected and ready to be sent out as a Christmas gift to our select but loyal fanbase _by tomorrow afternoon_."

" _Chyort_ , Martha, _kotenok_ , you are so bossy…" Chekov complained, whilst literally sitting on the floor at Landon's feet.

"That's why you love me, Pav." She patted him on the head. He grinned irreverently.

"So who would like the privilege of being our first Storyteller of the evening?"

Kevin Riley stood up out of his seat dramatically, and offered a low bow to everyone in the room. He cleared his throat for dramatic effect, and when he spoke, dropped enough commas to rival the good Captain himself.

"If I may, present you, with my, humble, rendition, of that classic, Christmas, poem… ' _Twas The Night Before Christmas…_ "


	2. Riley's Night Before Christmas

**Riley's _Night Before Christmas_**

* * *

Twas the night before Christmas, and on the Enterprise,

Not a creature was stirring, all had closed their eyes.

The stockings were hung by the transwarp drive with care,

In the knowledge that Christmas day soon would be there.

* * *

Doctor Mccoy was nestled all snug in his bed,

While visions of sugar-plums danced in his head.

The Captain in his gold shirt, and Spock in his blues,

Had just settled themselves for a long winter's snooze.

* * *

When up on the Bridge there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.

Away to the turbolift I flew like holy heck,

Tore open the doors and yelled "To the top deck!"

* * *

The star bright above Alpha Carinae II,

Shone silver and bright and like fresh Irish dew.

Then! What under that silvery light did I see?,

A tiny little shuttlecraft, headed straight for me!

* * *

With a little old pilot, so lively and quick,

I thought for a second it must be St Nick!

Right here on the bridge, he swooped through the air,

Dipping and dodging with nary a care.

* * *

As Klingons had found, when in Federation Space flew,

When he met with an obstacle: *pew! pew! pew! pew! pew!*

Firing at will, he tumbled and dashed,

'Til with a small puff of smoke, his little ship crashed.

* * *

And then, with a twinkling, or so it did seem,

I saw a red, green and gold transporter beam!

As I drew in my head, and was turning around,

Up onto the Bridge he came with a bound.

* * *

He was dressed all in furs, from his toes to his chin,

So much bigger than his ship, how had he fitted in!?

A bundle of gifts had transported in, too,

I rubbed at my eyes, could this really be true?

* * *

His eyes - how they twinkled! his dimples how sweet,

He had antennae like mushrooms, and five little feet.

A droll little mouth in a wide open grin,

And such a beautiful green was the shade of his skin.

* * *

A hefty cigar he held tight in his teeth,

And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.

He had a thin little face and, eyebrows, slightly cross,

When he saw me he said "Alright mate, where's the boss?"

* * *

He looked round the Bridge, and let out a low whistle,

Before turning to me and waving a dismissal.

So with hands on my hips, heart filled with chagrin,

I let out a cry: "Who the hell let you in?"

* * *

He spoke no reply, but went straight to his task,

What that was I can't say; I did not think to ask.

I crept to the console, into the comms I did blurt,

"Bridge to Security! Intruder alert!"

* * *

"Now why d'you do that?" he said with a sigh,

And as he turned to face me, felt certain I'd die,

When through the lift doors with a crash and a shout,

The BAMF Trio sprang - away fled all my doubt!

* * *

Mccoy in pajamas of christmassy red,

And a Santa Claus nightcap on top of his head.

Kirk in a plaid two piece, so warm and so chipper,

Poor Spock on his way had lost one fluffy slipper.

* * *

But 'gainst Mccoy's hypospray and the Captain's Kirk-Fu,

There was nothing else that the creature could do,

So he lunged for his phaser (he had dropped it in shock),

Only to be met by a nerve pinch from Spock.

* * *

As he dropped to his knees, he let out a cry,

"What the hell was that!? You attacked me?! Dudes, why!?"

Mccoy looked to Spock, and Spock looked to Jim,

And then all three turned to look down at him.

* * *

Commander Spock raised a single eyebrow,

"You got through our shields. Please explain how."

"State your name and intention", the Captain did growl,

"Got me out of bed…" Mccoy said with a scowl.

* * *

Rubbing his neck, the alien glared,

"I admit, for hostility I was unprepared.

My race have observed you, all so full of cheer,

So we brought you some gifts. These gifts, right here!"

* * *

The Captain's brow furrowed, he glanced to his friends,

"Not the greatest first contact… We must make amends!"

Turning to the intruder, Kirk turned on his charms,

"To all unmet species, we open our arms!

* * *

"We apologise for our hasty assumption,

'Though granted your entry here did take some gumption.

Welcoming new species is part of our mission,

So please do accept our heartfelt contrition.

* * *

You took us by surprise, where we're from, we knock!

But Starfleet seeks out different cultures, right Spock?"

"Affirmative, Captain." Spock said, eyes a-glitter,

"Could've just hailed us…" (Mccoy was still bitter).

* * *

The alien, still on the floor in a heap,

Held out a hand and was helped to his feet.

He apologised for causing any alarm,

And assured all present he meant them no harm.

* * *

Then he handed out gifts to each and every one,

And left more for those sleeping, to join in the fun.

Coordinates to his planet he happily told,

But warned us his homeworld was terribly cold.

* * *

Then he beamed to his craft, so tiny and quaint,

And let out a shout, heard 'though 'twas faint,

"Come visit us if you want Christmastime snow!

We wish Merry Christmas to all who Boldly Go!"


End file.
